What Form Rejection Means to Me

Posted by Joanne Huspek

As per The Rejectionist: (you know me, I like an un-anything)

I wish I could say I’m a veteran of form letter rejection. Heck, I wish I could say I was a veteran of any rejection, period. I’ve been too busy writing as fast as I can, editing, more writing, more editing, pulling weeds in the guerrilla urban garden, staying cool during three days of brown out, writing, editing and more editing. My CTRL-V function has been working far more than the SEND button on my email, and that’s on the days when I have power.

That’s not to say I have nothing to send out to potential rejectioners. (Rejectionists? Rejectionistas? The Reject Police? S&M Rejection Agency?) I have plenty of material. My books are not ready, not yet. And it’s not as though I’m afraid of rejection. In my incarnation as a Real Lifer, I face plenty of it each and every day. In fact, you could say F* O* You Be-yotch is my middle name. I can’t say it to the customers, but oh, I think it plenty.

I’m also war-torn from being on a certain social-creative-highly toxic-troll infested web site where on a slow day the comments would run the gamut from mildly irritating to stalker scary. Since I use my own real name – and I’m published, in the book – I would at times be afraid if some goon were lying in wait right outside my front door, ready to give me a good going over (or worse) because of something I had blogged or posted.

You live on the Big Blue Ball long enough and you realize that rejection is a part of life. “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” That’s my motto, right after “I’m writing as fast as I can.” Have a ready made slot for rejection, and you’ll probably come out smelling like the proverbial and cliched rose.

My one and only non-form rejection from my one and only query was a honey. I blogged about it back at the time. It wasn’t a form rejection, but a rather thoughtful, generous email about how my work was okay, but not yet ready for prime time. (Told ya. What can I say? I placed in a Query Tracker contest and I had to try.)

I’ll likely send out a massive email blitz sometime in September once I am finished editing the last book I wrote. I’ll probably get a few dozen form rejections, I don’t know. Here’s the thing about automated form rejections: Most of them are machine generated, having never reached the human eyeballs of Agent or Agent Assistant. I can hardly fault a computer program for doing its job, now can I? I figure if a big gun agent sends out a form rejection, he/she is too busy for little old me. That makes me think the agent has no time for a new, aspiring novelist and I can cast my net into the uncharted waters of Agents Who Just Landed a Job and Are Hungry For Talent. After all, I’m so good (yuck-yuck) that I need someone who is driven to sell my property, which I have to say is unique in soooo many ways.

Form rejections are like those email from Nigerian businessmen wanting to give you a couple million dollars. It’s very close to the messages that promise you a Rolex for $9.99 or guaranteeing to grow your penis (even if you don’t have one) a full six inches. In that case, you do what I do.

You smile, say, “heh,” hit the delete and go on to the next.

Posted in editing, people, rewriting, Uncategorized, womens literature, writing | Tagged , , , , 4 Comments

Red, Hot Writer Mama

Posted by Joanne Huspek

Just as I was clicking along, zippedy doo, working on the re-write for Book 1 and coming up with new blog entries for Book 2, writing every afternoon for at least a couple of hours in my comfy purple chair (see below)

when out of the blue (so cliche, I know) I am felled in the pursuit of my endeavors. It’s not a reason, but a season that has put the ki-bosh on my creative production.

Put plainly, my home air conditioning died.

Not only that, but the AC in the office died too.

Both succumbed on the hottest week (thus far) this summer. In a half-decade of lackluster, sometimes chilly bummer summers, this one is stellar in its crushing, sauna-like grip. Don’t get me wrong. I like hot. I need hot. Snow is not my friend. However, as much as one needs sunshine and light, no one needs breath-stealing humidity, and being in the Midwest, this summer’s Humidex has been going just as crazy as the high temperatures.

I once had heat exhaustion so I’m prone to having a relapse. Take it from one who knows: this particular ailment is not fun at all. I’m also suffering from the Big M (menopause). Believe it or not, I can tell the difference between flashes. Neither are pretty, but there are nuances. One can die from heat exhaustion while menopause is just a momentary symptom of upcoming death.

Warding off potential danger, I have hydrated myself to the extreme (gaining a good gallon of weight in the meantime), cut the alcohol consumption down to an occasional cosmopolitan, loaded the freezer with popsicles and spent a great deal of time in my car, which thankfully does have AC.

Being uncomfortably hot cuts into my creative jizz (as my daughter would say). You know it’s bad when I crave the chilly confines of the mall. (I hate the mall.)

Right now I am moderately cranky. The HVAC man isn’t coming until tomorrow.

I might have to do what those trendy writers do, and take my laptop to the nearest Starbucks.

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The “Ah-ha” Light Bulb Moment

Posted by Joanne Huspek

Since Mr. Ed has my latest creation in his editing mill (I wish I had web cam so I could see the creative developmental process during full bore production), I’ve been working on self-editing my First Monstrosity.

This novel started out as a couple of hurriedly scribbled notes on the back of an airline boarding pass. That was January 2007, on a trip back from San Francisco. (Um, that banner photo at the top of my blog? That was taken the same weekend.)

It took two long years and a week to complete. Somehow my scrap of paper grew from 500 words to 175K words. (The monsters that seize our bodies and take over our lives…huh, I guess this is how a simple whale turned into Moby Dick.)

I’m no Know-It-All writer, and I’ve learned a lot in the last three years. In editing, I can see where the first 100 pages were God-awful. I made every mistake in the book: descriptions of weather, dreams, an overabundance of back story, jumped around almost a dozen POVs, overuse of adverbs and adjectives, you name it, I did it.

But I am not a shameless rule breaker. In fact, I’m mortified that I let what friends I had read this horrid tome.

The one thing I noticed in editing is that the farther I get along in the story, the better my writing becomes. I attribute my gradual ascent into decent writing to a full contingent of people who not only cheer me on, but have boinked me in the head (repeatedly, and with vigor) when I make fatal errors.

What are friends for?

I’m not sure my improvement is due to an ah-ha light bulb moment, but one thing is for sure; the more I go through my manuscript, the more light bulbs go on.

Posted in editing, rewriting, Uncategorized, writing Comment

And Now for the Bad News…

Posted by Joanne Huspek

I’ve been told I must off one of my characters…

Not kill her off in the book, but somehow delete her completely from the telling of the tale. The thought is that six women friends with the same amount of pull and character is approximately one woman too many.

I’m not afraid of the technical aspects of the search and destroy mission. I happen to be doing just that on my first manuscript. It’s that I love them all!

(Yeah, yeah, the editor says…)

I have of course asked for a stay of execution. Pleaded. Begged. I think all of the characters are necessary to the telling of the tale, and they are definitely needed in Book Number Two, as the story shifts to another couple in the friendship loop.

So, please, my friends (since I have loosely based the novel on my own experiences and therefore have drawn on the personalities of my own Real Life friends, and yes, you know who you are), please do not take my editing personally. I love you all. Honest. But what the editor says must be.

He is available for personalized whipping, if and when the book comes out in print.

🙂

Posted in music, violin, writing, women, life, people, rewriting, womens literature, writing 1 Comment

Just Write

Posted by Joanne Huspek

I have no problem coming up with fresh ideas; at this time, I have so many ideas I doubt I’ll get them all down into coherent sentences before I die. I don’t need to be in the mood to write, although I find that certain emotions can be helpful. For example, if I’m writing an article on a deadline, something non-fiction, I can get myself organized with very little problem. I’m a Master Juggler of balancing many of life’s balls in the air, especially if the balls are in logical order. It’s slightly different with fiction. If I’m feeling upbeat and silly, it’s the best time to write something light and sassy, and if I’m in the middle of winter and depressed out of my mind, that’s the best time to pull out my more serious work.

I’ll admit, I’m a procrastinator, although I’m not as bad as I used to be. I can come up with lots of excuses, too. Lots of them. I have a business, I have a husband, I have kids (one still in college), I have a large house and do the housework and yard work. I have financial worries and occasional health problems. I have relatives with financial worries and occasional health problems. I have other interests I like to pursue, in addition to the things I must attend to. Excuses are handy; they might make a person feel better in the short run but honestly, none of them are valid.

If you tell yourself you are a writer (whether anyone else thinks you are one or not) as I have done for the last two years, you must sit down and WRITE. Every day. EVERY day. “Real” writers do what real artists and real musicians do every day — create.

Sometimes it’s just snippets of writing because I only have snippets of time. That’s why I keep a notebook in my purse. I might think of a phrase or an idea might hit me from out of the blue. I might hear or see an appealing name, or want to jot down a web site. I don’t own a smart phone and don’t carry my laptop with me wherever I go, so the notebook is helpful. I’d never remember any of my ideas without it — that’s what old age will do for you.

Sometimes I give myself assignments, as I have the last few weeks. I’m editing my first book, and I wanted two chapters to be finished each week. In order to do this, I have to rearrange my Real Life schedule. I don’t write well at night, but can go like gangbusters between the hours of two and five p.m. I’m fully awake, there’s plenty of natural light, and my husband isn’t home from work yet. If I have to get to work by 7:30 so I can leave at 2, then so be it.

The person who is working with me on the second book gave me an assignment. He will tell you that I came up with some doozy excuses within the first couple of emails. Finally I sat down one day for a few hours and pumped it out. Wasn’t perfect, but I had to sit down and JUST WRITE.

For those of you who have writer’s block (not my problem, my problem is with time), just sit down. Take your pen and paper or laptop or typewriter and JUST WRITE.

Last night, I told my daughter I wished I had written down the silly stories she and her brother used to make up when they were little. I told myself at the time that I would remember them later and then write them down.

You know what happened, don’t you? (I could have had a lucrative career as a children’s book author. Not now. Not with my poor memory. 🙂 )

If you only have a minute, write a thank you note. Address it to your spouse, your child, your parents, your favorite teacher from high school. Start writing and don’t stop until you have filled up a page.

Write a description of your day, your house, your yard. Describe your car and why you like/don’t like it. Write about your favorite place.

On my more hurried days, I try to finish a one-page story. One of them was a fictional account using a quirky guy in my jewelry class. One was called “Perfectly Plaid,” the name of the notebook I am using. Take a small piece of life and expound. Tell the story of your pet’s day from their perspective — that’s a good one.

Tell yourself you are a writer, then sit down and JUST WRITE.

Believe me, with practice, it gets easier.

Posted in editing, music, violin, writing, women, life, people, womens literature, writing 4 Comments

Making Friends and Working Hard

Posted by Joanne Huspek

My lovelinesses.

I know that’s not a word, but today I feel that everyone is lovely. Even though it is raining, even though my husband is working on a project that makes him cranky, even though I have a billion things to do and counting.

I’ve been editing, editing, editing, and occasionally penning a one-sheet story. In the meantime, I’ve written a few things for the blog, the Blog Critics blog and other projects. Tomorrow is crit-group day, so I’ve been looking over other people’s work for a change.

I don’t know how it happened, but I am on Simon and Schuster’s publicist’s mailing list. Every so often, this kind lady will send me a soon-to-be-released book to read. Most of them are in the hot, steamy romance or historical romance genres – not exactly my cup of tea. However, if I have a few spare minutes waiting in the doctor’s office, standing in line at the Secretary of State office (DMV for those of you out of Michigan) or am trapped on a transcontinental airplane, these are perfect to pass the time with.

One of the books I read was Nancy’s Theory of Style by Grace Coopersmith. It was such an enjoyable, rollicking and totally fun read that I wrote a review for Blog Critics.

The review led to the author of the book contacting me (Yes! On this very blog! Look down a couple of posts.) and an email exchange ensued. (I couldn’t believe my luck! Emailing a published author! And she’s so nice!)

I know that’s a lot of exclamation marks, but I was very blown away. I’ll stop now.

I know we’re not friends in the true sense of the word, but it’s nice to be friendly with authors.

Back to work. 🙂

Posted in editing, people, rewriting, Uncategorized, womens literature, writing | Tagged , , , 1 Comment

Absconding the Napkin Fiction, Sort Of

Posted by Joanne Huspek

I love Esquire’s web site, especially the fiction area. Good reads, very edgy. During my last visit, I noticed the Napkin Fiction page, where authors are asked to pen a story on a paper napkin.

In the good old days when I was 1. poor, 2. a teenager, and 3. in love, I used to write song lyrics and poems on napkins. And Taco Bell wrappers. And the paper a bottle of Metaxa comes in. And the back of my NSP bill (that’s the power company in Minnesota). And I know this because I still have these remnants of my misbegotten prose in my hope chest.

We know from the archeological data that I ate fast food, was plenty high and my heat was on, necessary in St. Paul in January.

I’m terrible when it comes to condensation. I love to blather on and on about the inconsequential, which is the gong of death for a writer. I have a very difficult time writing flash fiction or stories in 1,000 words or less. The first time I wrote a 50-word story, it ended up being six 50-word stories. You can imagine the pain I was in writing a six-word story.

Today, I decided to initiate my own enforced short fiction experiment, using the Napkin Fiction as a guide. I find modern paper napkins highly undesirable for writing. They’re cheaply made and only a very good ball point pen would not rip it to shreds. Paper towels absorb too much ink. I don’t eat at Taco Bell much anymore (too salty for my tastes) and I’m a slob and can’t believe I actually finished a combo burrito without dripping any green sauce on the wrappings or on my lap. (Back in 1975, I was always hungry. Not much was going to escape.)

Instead, I decided to take over one of my daughter’s never-used spiral notebooks from high school. It has a pretty green and pink cover and the pages are perforated. It’s small enough to carry around with me.

I have dubbed this experiment The One Page Stories.

The stories are limited to one sheaf of paper. I can use both sides, and I can condense my handwriting to get as much info as I can on the paper, meaning margins  are used and my teeny-weeny penmanship employed. (Teeny-weeny handwriting was da bomb when I was in college and the profs would let us bring in a single sheet of notes for the final. Yeah…I was on that one.)

The One Big Rule for One Page Stories is that once I start, I can’t stop until the story is finished. This is a tough rule for a chronic procrastinator and a sufferer of adult onset ADD.

Yesterday I wrote a quick one, then transferred it to my computer. It was quirky and odd, an elementary aged story – 599 words. I liked it.

I think I might have something here.

Posted in editing, people, Uncategorized, womens literature, writing | Tagged , , , , 3 Comments